A Day in the Life of a Stay-at-Home / Work-at-Home Mom
Now I absolutely hate these sorts of things, especially when they are really short reals or ticktocks that are like, "Oh look how great my morning / daily routine is! I'm so put together!" But I'm actually doing this because I want to show how NOT put together I am but then also share a little bit about my life and the things I'm working towards since this is after all, a lifestyle blog among many other things. Also, sometimes it is encouraging to see a glimpse into someone else's somewhat real day-to-day life and show you that you're not alone in your struggles or the things you feel like you are working towards virtually forever. So, all that to say, I decided, somewhat on a whim, to do this post.
1. Wake Up
Now you might think, "Oh she's probably one of those morning people who wakes up early, before her baby, and gets a ton of things done" but no, in fact, I wait as long as possible to get up. Let me say that I am NOT a morning person. I can stay up till ten or eleven (pitiful right?) but I just can't get up earlier, especially with number two on the way. There have definitely been times in my life when I got up early both before having my first and after, but since I found out I was pregnant again I knew the battle wasn't worth fighting and that the best thing for my body and for my growing baby is to take advantage of the fact that I can sleep in and sleep in. Typically our daughter wakes me up because either she wakes up and starts playing, or she wakes up wanting to eat and fusses and if it's after seven, I'll go in there and put her on her potty and start my day. Otherwise, if it's before seven, I'll try and put her back to bed by either nursing her to sleep or bringing her into bed with me for the last hour or so of rest. This means I typically wake up anywhere between seven and eight.
2. Breakfast
I'd love to say that after that we go downstairs and eat a healthy breakfast together before work starts, but that doesn't always happen. I do feed her, however, unless for whatever reason she's not interested in eating, and I try very hard to make myself something before work. A couple of days this week I've actually succeeded in doing that, which I'm pretty proud of, but typically I just drink some milk and grab myself something to eat so that at least I can eat at my desk when work starts. Then until nine, unless I have a meeting that day, I play with her on the couch or on the floor until it's time to clock in.
3. Starting Work
I technically start work at nine, although some days, like this week, where I've just been exceedingly busy, I start more at 9:15 or 9:30. I have an office off of our living room, and in our office, we have a play matt set up for our daughter with her baby swing and a basket of toys. I have learned that the best way to keep a baby engaged in independent play is to rotate out the toys, so she has some favorites that I'll bring out twice a day, but then she has some that I will bring out maybe only twice that week. It just depends, but she isn't at the point where she plays with more than one toy at once so we don't actually have a huge selection of toys. The two things I try to not overuse the most are the swing and the play gym, so I really only use those twice a week at most. Then when I bring them back out, they keep her entertained for quite a long time. I've also, on occasion, set up a tent for her with swaddle blankets, pulled out some old photos for her to look at for tummy time, and given her obscure things around the house that she showed interest in like our hats, water bottles, or even her baby carrier. At this stage, everything is a toy and so long as you are there and they are safe, it works.
Typically she will play on her own anywhere from between fifteen minutes up to forty-five minutes as I work. During this time I try to check and answer all my emails, make the social media post for the day, and see what else I need to do. If I have a meeting that day, however, especially in the morning, I'll just sit her on my lap or stand up and rock her during the meeting (yes, I keep my camera off). That way she doesn't get bored of playing with her toys. Now when she starts to fuss, I handle it a couple of different ways. Sometimes, I'll get up, sit her up or change her position play with her with her toys for a minute and then go back to work. This engages her with her playing and she's happy for another five-fifteen minutes. Sometimes this doesn't work and I pick her up and put her in my lap and she looks out the window and plays with the curtain while I continue working. This is really difficult since she doesn't sit still and I won't let her look at the computer screen, so typically I'm doing work one-handed and am limited to phone calls, emails (I have a voice dictate feature installed), or reposting social media on our different platforms. And then of course, if it's one of those mornings where she hasn't eaten yet, I'll clock out, go into the living room away from my computer and phone and take the time to feed her and do another round of play like I did that morning. Then, I'll set her back down and see if she will continue independent play. Some days, like today actually, none of the above work, I clock out and play with her until naptime. Sometimes this is really hard to do, because I'm the type of person that likes to really get a lot of hours in, so I have to remind myself that the only reason I have the job I have (not blogging but my "real" job or whatever) is so that I have the flexibility in my hours to do this, and that hopefully, either after I finish my degree or can get my blog up and running, I can quit this job and just work during naptime and when my husband's home.
4. First Naptime
Now this is the time when I get most of the work done that I get done. I typically lay my daughter down for her nap in her bed and nurse her to sleep, or if she's not hungry, lay with her until she falls asleep. Then I "roll away" and clock back in for work. If I have leads to call that week, then that's when I do all my phone calling for leads. If I have a presentation to record, I record my presentation. Any more complicated copywriting I need to do for our website or newsletters or even marketing materials I do during this nap time. And if work is really slow, and I'm just on standby for emails and phone calls, I'll work on whatever blog post I have scheduled for my blog. I really try to do this sort of work during naptime because it's really hard to do these sorts of things when I might get interrupted and lose my place or thought. Occasionally, work is slow and I'm lacking creativity for blog posts so I'll work on making social media posts for the week for both my blog and my work. I use the same sort of program and a lot of the same templates so I can actually do this side by side which is really nice. That way, if I'm having a rough day I can do some work that for me is more or less mindless, and then when my baby is awake, can get those scheduled and posted for the week.
5. Second Wake Up
I have an audio baby monitor so I know when she wakes up. Rarely she will wake up and start playing very quietly and I won't know for a couple of minutes, but that's not very often. As soon as I hear her I clock up and go upstairs to her room. Depending on her mood I'll sometimes lay next to her and play for a minute as she fully wakes up, or she'll be more awake and I'll pick her up from her bed and put her on the potty. It just kind of depends. Typically I'll change her diaper and if I had put her in different clothes for naptime then I'll put her back in some daytime clothes. Then I might feed her if she's hungry or I'll clock back in and feed her when she does decide she wants to eat. This second wake time is typically the hardest and longest part of my day. A lot of the time she will play independently, but her play periods will be much shorter meaning there's a lot of clocking in and clocking out. If I haven't already eaten lunch at this point (which I really try to do before she wakes up) one of the times when she clocks out I'll also fix myself lunch. If it's nice out, and I feel inclined, we'll go outside and sit on a blanket in the yard. Sometimes I'll bring my computer and work but sometimes, like today I won't and I'll also just relax outside. We don't always get outside, although I'm trying to make it a point to be outside more and more, but it is almost always a great opportunity to get thirty solid minutes of work done or even a thirty-minute decompression. During this second wake period sometimes I'll try and finish up some of the things I worked on during her nap period, but I always prepare myself that I will be interrupted, so I have to know I'll be okay with that. Typically, this second wake period is the perfect time to write down ideas, both for my job and for my blog, make inbound calls to coworkers / affiliates / bosses, write (dictate) emails, or make the social media posts I made during the nap hour. But typically all of this is between multiple diaper changes, lots of little breaks here and there, and having my daughter on my lap, or holding her on my hip while I stand to get things done. I actually love it if I have a meeting during this time because I get on the floor, start my meeting, and tune in while I sit there and play with her. So, this period rarely looks the same day to day. I also try and save my toy rotation for the set of some of her favorite toys for this time because I know she will be most engaged by them. Right now one of her favorite toys is a somewhat small plush pink hippo. I don't know why it's her favorite, but I almost always bring it out during this time. Then judging by her disposition and whether or not she is getting fussy, I will gauge when the next naptime is. Typically her second nap falls somewhere between two and four, but it's given or take since she is in the phase of transitioning from three naps to two.
6. Second Naptime
When it definitely seems time for a nap, I'll put her down in her bed the same way I did for the first nap. Now lately, because I have been so tired (and not eating enough calories, that's on me) I get pretty sleepy when I put her down for a nap. Yes, there have been times when I completely fall asleep and miss this second productive nap period. Typically I'm fortunate enough to at least wake up an hour before she wakes up, but sometimes I'm not. But on most days, when I don't fall asleep, I use this time to finish up whatever I wasn't able to finish up for work and for my blog. I also make it a priority to double-check my school assignments for the week and see what things are due when and what things need to be worked on in advance (like research papers). This typically takes about five seconds, so I typically do this while I'm waiting for Social media posts to load to my work social accounts. If I feel inclined, I'll do a second round of cold calling to the leads I called that morning, but otherwise, I typically do any later-in-the-day calls after my husband comes home.
7. Third Wake Up
Depending on when she decided to go down for her second nap, how long she slept, and where I am energy-wise, some days when she wakes up I'm done for the day. On other days when she goes down for her nap a little earlier and I think I can still get in at least an hour, I'll try and get thirty minutes to an hours worth more of work in before being done. Typically it's around this time that my husband, N, leaves work and calls me to ask if we need anything from the grocery store or to tell me he's stopping by Lowes or Home Depot for supplies for the house. Otherwise, he just comes home. This part of the day isn't as difficult, especially when I know N will be home sooner rather than later because on days when I need to get a little extra hour into work, he's home and can play with the baby.
8. After Work
Once I am finally done for the day I typically don't worry about school or blogging stuff at all until the baby goes to bed (unless it is a Monday or Thursday). If it is a Monday or Thursday, no work gets done on the house, our daughter gets handed off to N and I complete and submit assignments for the week (assignments are mostly due on Mondays and Thursdays). If it's not a Monday or Thursday however, typically I play with our baby until bedtime. For a couple of months N and I had a tradition where the three of us would go on a walk around the block after he got home, but we've been really busy finishing the kitchen renovation (guys we're getting so close I can't wait to share!) that we've just been focused on that. So a lot of the time, the three of us will spend some quick decompression / family time together before N goes off to work on stuff for the house and I figure out what I am going to do for the rest of the afternoon. Most of the time, if it's nice out, the baby and I will go outside and sit on the blanket or walk over to my in-laws and hang out with whoever's over there. If I'm really feeling up to it, sometimes I'll even put the baby on my back and walk to our church where we have some of our stuff stored, and start throwing away / bringing some of that over to our house. I don't do this very often because it's a lot of work for just me, but if I'm exceptionally productive feeling then I will. Otherwise, I often use this time to tidy up from my work day, get some dinner and fold laundry. Surprisingly enough, our daughter really enjoys these things, so it makes them easy to get them done. If I'm tidying up I either have her on my back or in the middle of the room where she can watch me. If I'm folding laundry I'll sit crisscross with her between my legs and "help" fold laundry. And if I'm eating something she can eat then she'll snack on whatever I'm eating as well, although this is much rarer since the whole feeding baby thing is hard to balance. On Mondays, N does a lot of the same thing with our daughter, although he is more inclined to take her on walks or go over and hang out with his parents while I work on school. Thursday for example, I had discussion boards due. Our church, however, had a baptism that same day for one of the children. So he took our baby, put her in the carrier and the two of them took a walk and attended the baptism and gave me almost TWO whole uninterrupted hours to work on school! Then they stopped by the local pizza place on their way home and grabbed a pizza for dinner. (If you haven't already figured out that we live in a small town where you can walk everywhere, we do). So it kind of varies, like everyone's life probably. But we're still able to squeeze in the day-to-day things that need to be done.
9. Bedtime
Now, against our better judgment and against my own preferences, bedtime is quite late, but there's not much we can do about it. Our daughter's bedtime routine now starts at about eight or eight thirty, so she doesn't really go to bed until ten. We bath her, give her some diaper-free time while we play with her, and then I nurse her or lay with her to sleep. The past few nights this has taken FOREVER because my milk is starting to change which is causing sleep regressions (at least according to the lactation consultant and dula at our church). But we're sticking to our routines and I know this phase will pass. In the meantime, I can enjoy lots of little baby snuggles and let her know that I am there for her. After she finally falls asleep, which could be after several times of me leaving, her fussing, me going back, etc. I basically start my bedtime routine. Now I'm really bad at this so I'll kind of show you my ideal and then what it really is. Ideally, I would put her to bed, wash my face, brush my teeth, put lotion on, and do my quick nighttime stretches and workout and (now that I'm pregnant) my relaxation practice and then chill with my hubby until we both fell asleep. Instead lately what happens is I get up and collapse onto our bed to do my relaxation practice and fall asleep. I have managed to do my stretching / pregnancy preparation workout thing on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, but that's about it. I'm not super concerned with workouts right now because I'm not technically eating enough calories anyway to do that so I am more focused on stretching since I need to maintain the flexibility for labor and delivery. Oftentimes, and this has happened a couple of nights in a row, I will wake up and go eat again and then go back to bed, but ideally, I would do all this before I even put my baby down for her bedtime routine. I'm definitely getting better though. I have this mindset where I tend to prioritize work even when I don't need to, so as an example, after putting her to sleep I won't feel motivated to brush my teeth, but if I have a paper do I magically have the energy to stay up until twelve writing a paper.
10. Conclusion
So I understand I have natural inclinations towards not-so-healthy priorities that I am being very conscious of and trying to root out of my daily routines. Because part of health includes healthy living habits, which I don't naturally have. But really, why I'm sharing this is to show you. I'm burnt out sometimes, I do things halfway. I get help. I don't have a strict schedule. But in all that, I'm still making progress, as small as it might be. My "goal" for work hours is to get 30 hours in a week. This, seeing as how my baby takes three hours' worth of naps each day, that only leaves three hours during her wake period to finagle it. And guess what? I don't make that goal, but it gives me something to work towards. I have lifestyle goals (which are more important than my weekly hour goals) which I also try to aim towards, but as you can see, I don't make those even half of the time! And that's okay. I still can get my assignments done on time, write two blog posts a week (except last week I know), do the things I need to do for my job, make progress on the house, and most importantly be home and pour into my little girl every day! My life is a little chaotic right now, but I know there are people out there with WAY more crazy things they have to juggle. And fortunately for me, my life circumstance will not last forever. I'm coming to a close with my degree, my husband is planning to transfer jobs (allowing me to cut back hours), I'm hoping (and praying) to take off with my blog, and every day our baby is growing and becoming more and more independent! This is what my day-to-day looks like now, but that could change. I think when we see all these "days in the life" Instagram reals it can get pretty discouraging. I know for me, I really like the idea of a structured day, but right now, that's not in the cards for us. So seeing those "day-in-the-life" five-second clips can make me feel like I'm horribly unorganized and overwhelmed. I don't want that to be the case with this blog post. I really hope that through this you are kind of like, "Oh wow, you know I have it more together than her" or even "You know what, not every day looks the same, and that IS okay. I should be happy about that and know that brings new and interesting things to the surface every day." So hopefully this blog post was encouraging. It just kind of came to me on a whim when I was trying to figure out how I was going to get ahead on next week's blog posts and so I really hope you enjoyed it!
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