Becoming a Mother, Mother's Day Story, My Birth Story
In honor of Mother's Day, I decided to share my story of becoming a mother. This story is what allows me to take part in this special day not only as a mother but as someone who gets to love and cherish a beautiful baby girl who I love and adore. This year this day will be extra special, because not only am I a mother, but I get to hold and experience this day with one of the most precious things in the whole world to me - my baby.
Subject Line One
1. Preconception
When my husband and I first started dating, we realized pretty quickly that we wanted to get married even though we didn't cross that bridge for a couple of years. However, we wanted to be on the same page about everything, so really before anything we discussed the topic of having children. We both decided we were career-oriented, we wanted to travel, explore, write books, and ultimately be at a more financially stable and secure place in our lives before having children. We had a five to ten-year family plan that did not include starting to even consider children until at least five years into our marriage. I was finishing up my degree while he was working in a temporary position at the local college for my education. All in all, things were going smoothly and we were on our path to success. Until, March of 2022.
Right after my husband and I got married, I had a pretty traumatic experience of losing my mother. Her health drastically declined a week before our wedding and she passed away two days after our wedding. I say this, not to invoke sympathy, but because my body undergoes huge emotional and physiological changes that involved several delayed and missed periods. So I didn't think much about it when eight months into our marriage, I was again experiencing a delayed period. It was only on my way to work one morning that I felt incredibly weird in a sick sort of way. I had never felt this way before and I wondered if perhaps my missed period was due to something else. I had been personally experiencing a huge amount of stress at work, losing countless hours of sleep, and just having an overall rough time of it at the time so I had thought my cycle was affected by stress, but now I was wondering if the course of underlying stress and insomnia was perhaps something completely unrelated to work. I stopped by Walmart on my way to work, picked out a pregnancy test, and took the test at about seven in the morning that day. I had wanted to clear all potential suspicions of pregnancy and I thought it would help put my mind at ease. To my surprise, it was positive.
I had never actually considered what I would do if the test was positive. I took another and again it was positive, but the first thought that ran through my head was, "These are probably not very accurate" despite the 99.9% accuracy rating on the back of the box. I wasn't really sure what to do, so I called my aunt, my mom's sister who I am very close to, and asked her how accurate pregnancy tests were. She confirmed it, and from that moment, I knew I was pregnant! Despite my cycle tracking, despite the stress, despite our plan, despite it all, here I was, not even sure how far into the pregnancy I was, pregnant, and my whole world rocked!
2. Pregnancy
Pregnancy was both a rough road and a somewhat pleasant experience. As soon as my husband and I realized that we were having a baby, everything changed. We were, at the time, living in a "fixer-upper" house, making renovations and fixing it up in exchange for rent. The house had one working bathroom, one unprimed/unpainted but somewhat finished room, no kitchen, no formal living room, no nursery, and no spare room. The process of renovating the house was slow as we were fixing it up in exchange to live there, and could only work on it after work and when the supplies were furnished to us. This often caused delays and the house wasn't on any sort of gameplan to be finished within the year. For us as a newly married couple saving money and enjoying renovation anyway, this was nothing, in fact, it was a benefit being able to save all that money. For an expecting couple, however, this living situation was out of the question. We immediately started house hunting but at the time the market was high, interest rates were low, and houses were going for more than they'd ever gone for before. Every time we'd consider a house, someone swooped in with a higher more immediate offer and we were back to the drawing board. A couple of times we even considered buying an old church building and converting it into a house, but even those were hard to find and out of our price range. Midway through my second trimester, we were able to come to a private agreement with a homeowner, only this house too needed renovations, the kitchen needed to be redone, the whole house needed cleaning, the plaster was cracking, and unbeknownst to us, the electric and plumbing all needed to be redone. Regardless, with not much else in sight, we jumped at the opportunity and immediately got to work. It was a massive project, but in a short time we were able to refinish the whole upstairs (minus a few cosmetic things that still need to be done), completely renovate the upstairs bathroom, remove the wall between the kitchen and dining room, refinish all the floors, finish the living room, and finish my office (so I could work from home). Weeks before my baby was due, my husband and I stayed up till four in the morning grouting a bathroom. And the week before I went into labor I was on ladders painting our living room, outside sanding and priming trim, hanging bathroom ceilings, and helping move in furniture. Probably not the smartest thing I could have done in my third trimester, but believe me, it was worth it to get our house done! All in all, looking back at the whole experience I'm actually pretty impressed. We pulled off so much work in such a short amount of time and now we love our little home. Although I hope to have slightly less "adventurous" pregnancies in the future, it makes me smile thinking back at the motivation and diligence we had to work together and get so much done. I definitely wouldn't trade that experience for anything else, as I feel it is a crucial point of my little girl's birth story and our journey toward building a family.
3. Birth
Two evenings before my due date I started feeling what I can only describe as period cramps at night. It started keeping me up at night, and because I was feeling tired from the lack of sleep, I took the next few days a little slower. I organized a shelf in our living room and did some light stretching, but overall I was taking it easy. I didn't think it was labor, but I did think I was probably experiencing some prodromal labor (false labor) which meant I may have the baby here within the next week or so and I wanted to be rested. The cramps persisted in the evenings, and by Sunday I was very tired. Monday morning (around two o'clock) I could not rest no matter what position I got into. I would get up and walk around, and the cramps would subside, but they would immediately return when I laid back down. I also thought I might have lost my mucous plug (I had not, only small parts of it) and so I called the midwife's on-call number. She suggested I try and get rest, but that if I wanted to do the miles circuit to see if that would make things pick up the pace, I could do that. Because sleep was not an option, I did the miles circuit, and things virtually went away. I called her back and she confirmed my suspicions "This is false labor." So I tried going back to bed. I maybe slept for fifteen minutes when I was up again because of the cramps. This time when I went to the bathroom, I DID lose my mucous plug and it was very clear that that's what that was. I called again and told the midwife I had lost my mucous plug and she told me that things were heading towards the direction of labor but it could still be a couple of days before things really got started. At this point, I told my husband what was happening and he asked if we should go down. Our drive was two-and-a-half hours away and he didn't want to have a baby in the car. I told him what the midwife said and we decided to wait. I had an appointment later that day anyway (since it was my due date) and we could see how things were going. Regardless, he decided to take a half day for work and picked up snacks and food for labor on his way home just in case. When he got home, we decided to head down to the birth center just to be in the area in case things decided to pick up. We had an appointment to go to anyway and we thought we'd at least go and enjoy the day. On the way down, things stopped completely, and although I was able to sleep most of the way (which I genuinely needed) I was slightly discouraged about the lack of progress and felt like I must have been overreacting. Once we got there we were several hours early for the appointment so we stayed in the area and took some walks and enjoyed being outside. It was a beautiful day and the birth center had an outdoor seating area and the neighbors behind the facility had horses so we enjoyed sitting outside talking to the horses. At some point, when I sat down, I felt something that felt much different than losing my mucous plug. I was pretty sure my water broke, although it was only a little bit that came out. I called the midwife and she said it was likely just more mucous from the mucous plug, but I had a feeling it wasn't. She said they would check the fluid during my appointment just to make sure, but I could put on a pad in the meantime and if it soaked through in one hour, my water likely broke. I did this, but virtually nothing else came out and I was again disappointed. When it finally came time for the appointment, however, I was feeling like I must be mistaken and that things wouldn't start happening for a few days now. However, as soon as I went in for the appointment, my suspicions were confirmed - my water had broken, but I was only two centimeters dilated. But regardless, I would have a baby within 24 hours, and that boggled my mind. The midwife suggested I get to sleep, and because I had not been able to get sleep until that point, she prescribed me some Benadryl to knock me out. It worked and I got nearly six hours of sleep. My husband and I got a hotel about five minutes away, got everything ready that we needed for a baby, and slept. We were both very exhausted. When I woke, things were as they had been earlier - cramps but no consistency or mounting strength. I came into the birth center every four hours (I tested positive for Group B Strep so I needed antibiotics) and to check to see how I was doing, but ultimately, they wanted me to labor at "home" as much as possible. The next morning rolled around, and things had gotten stronger, but there was still no consistency. I would have contractions anywhere from five minutes apart to ten minutes apart with varying strengths and durations. The midwife had talked to me about taking a "midwife brew" which is a type of concoction that includes caster oil that helps stimulate labor. We went back and forth a bit about it, and my husband and I decided to go that route. I took the Midwife brew at about seven o'clock that morning and went home to the hotel, scheduled to come in again at eleven to see how things were. Things immediately started picking up. I probably took three hours' worth of showers because things had gotten so intense. My husband kept promising me to call the midwife back, but in my mind, I wasn't close enough yet. I still had it in my head that I needed to call them when I was having one-minute contractions, three minutes apart, for an hour, not realizing that that's exactly what WAS happening. He started timing them and came to me telling me I was already at the recommended time and that we needed to go. I called the midwife and told her, that my contractions were getting "a bit intense" however, according to my husband, I did not hardly begin to communicate what was actually happening. She told me that if I was still dealing with them okay, that I should try and labor a little longer at the hotel and then come in at eleven (it was almost ten thirty). I relayed the information to my husband who responded, "You are NOT handling them okay! They are very intense, and you did not communicate at all what you are experiencing." It was then that we decided to head to the birth center regardless of what the midwife said. However, it took thirty minutes to get to the car. I had just gotten out of the shower when I called the midwife and hadn't put on any clothes. It took me forever to get anything on as nearly everything sparked a contraction. Going down the hall to the elevator took forever, and as my husband pulled the car around to the front entrance one of the lobbyists asked if I was okay saying, "You look like you're about to have a baby!" We headed to the birth center and got there promptly at eleven. Good thing we didn't try and leave later! I was instantly admitted to the birth center and it was only a few more hours before our baby girl was born. I labored in all sorts of places and positions at the birth center (the tub, the shower, the toilet, the birth ball, the bed, etc.) but surprisingly labored best on my back with my back supported. My husband sat behind me to support me and hold my legs. Because I was so tired and hadn't gotten a full night's rest in three days, I fell asleep between contractions. I even remember having a dream about being in the office. Towards the end of labor, however, my contractions started weakening. My midwife encouraged me to only push went I felt the sensation, however, the sensations were starting to be shorted. She really worked with me to maximize my pushing, however, it wasn't the simple "breathe your baby out" that Bridget Teyler describes in her birth class. My labor took lots of leg work and effort. If I hadn't been so exhausted, my body might have had the strength, but because I was already so weak I really had to work with my contractions to get my baby out. We worked together and eventually, my baby was born and she was immediately placed in my arms on my chest.
4. Motherhood After Birth
Despite the pain, despite the labor, and despite the three days of sleep deprivation as soon as I held my baby girl for the first time all of that completely went away. My baby and I were wrapped in warm blankets and my husband and the midwife helped clean up everything, suture my tear, and make sure I was fed and hydrated. One of the first things I said after labor was, "Oh, she's here. Can I stand up now?" To which my request was promptly declined. I needed to rest a bit after all that and I think my midwife was a little worried I would pass out. I lay in bed, holding my baby for hours. The birth center prioritized immediate skin-to-skin, and therefore even my husband had to wait his turn - although he was a bit traumatized after it all so he was fine to just sit there. My husband cut the cord after it had completely stopped pulsing and we were able to just lay in bed and enjoy our little girl. Those first few hours were incredible. I drank probably more liquid IVs than I could count and enjoyed eating all the yummy snacks we had brought for labor (we haven't gotten to them during labor, so now we were enjoying them afterward). And all the time the midwife, the nurse, and everyone who was in and out of the room was incredibly sweet and attentive to my needs. My baby was allowed to naturally latch within her own time, and I nursed my baby completely uninterrupted by anyone. The laction consultant helped guide me when I had questions about holding my baby (I had never held a newborn before) and the nurse made sure I had enough pillows. Eventually, my husband did hold our little girl and I was able to shower and get dressed. The whole experience was magical, and I could not have hoped for a better memory to carry with me for the rest of my life.
5. Everything Else
If you've read any of my other blog posts you might know that not everything in motherhood has been smooth sailing, but that's life. This journey has been an icnreadible experience and one that I would not change for anything. I am learning new things everyday and so exited to continue living this new phase of my life. My husband and I just celebrated our daughter's six month birthday and I can't wait to see what the next six months bring! I hope all you mothers out there this season can enjoy the gift that God has given you and that for any of you mothers struggling out there that you seek help and support during this time as it may be difficult. Much love and and blessings to you all, enjoy your holiday! See you Monday.
If you like this content, please share this blog post with other moms.
Thank you so much for reading till the end, your support means the world to me. Feel free to follow me on Social Media where I host more content just like this! You all are amazing and I hope you have a blessed day! Thanks!
